What a difference a year makes!
One year ago this week we traveled to St. Louis full of anticipation and returned 3 days later completely crushed. This morning, I am happily sipping coffee listening to two of my FIVE children play. One is playing barista while the other sounds more like an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie but it seems to be working for them!
I love the verse in the Bible that says, “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” (Luke 2:19). These nine months I have done lots of treasuring and pondering. Sometimes the weight of parenting (especially to one who doesn’t like to do anything less than 110%) is overwhelming. Sometimes my feelings of failure are downright depressing. Sometimes my sorrow for my kids and their losses make me want to give them all squeezes in the middle of the night. Sometimes my heart is so full I think it might explode. And, my goodness I can not wait to share pictures of what are, undoubtedly, the most beautiful kids on the planet.
I have pondered much over the blessings and the tragedy of adoption. Really, both must be considered to understand and connect with the children God has given me. The truth is hard. This is not what these kids wanted. This is certainly not what their biological mom wanted. And, perhaps the hardest for me to come to terms with, this is not what God wanted either. Think about it and I think you will agree that God did not want a young girl to birth 5 wonderful children, try to raise them by herself, and ultimately make bad choices that caused herself and her home to be unsafe for her kids. My heart breaks for her and I pray for her almost daily.
Of course, our God is a redeeming God. He turns our ashes into beauty. He takes orphans and gives them families. He takes a childless woman and gives her FIVE children! Wow.
I don’t have much to report. While our caseworkers are doing all they can to push our case through, there is no rushing our state’s court system. Please continue to pray for our family, for patience as we wait, the building of strong and unbreakable bonds, and salvation for our kids.